My gf and I love this place down the street called Felony Franks (229 Western Ave). It's a themed-restaurant that the owner, Jim Andrews, created to give criminals who've served their time a second chance at becoming productive members of society. Say what you will, but having a few ex-cons in the family, I know how hard it is for them to get a second chance. If you can't/aren't given the chance to make money the legitimate way, all signs point to a return to crime. Hey, we need money to live and survival is an "any means necessary" type deal. At least this guy is giving them an alternative.
The theme stretches to the menu, naturally, where items have such titles as the Misdemeanor Wiener and Freedom Fries. Cute, right? This chain has met with a lot of controversy over the years since some Chicagoans don't want ex-cons serving them food and others think that the name demeans the employees. What REALLY rubs them the wrong way may have more to do with how you order than what you order. Servers stand behind bulletproof plastic -- standard for stores in the neighborhood, although increasingly not ... which is curious but I digress -- and ask customers, "Are you ready to plead your case?" Then you say what you want. "Yes. Chain Gang Chili Dog, please." Look, I really don't fucking care if you want the Pardon Polish or Probation Burgers. The shit is goooood and I think it's great to employ the "unemployable." Would I like it better if it were a vegetarian spot promoting health and wellness? Shit yeah. But 'tis what 'tis. So, if the employees are like, "Right on, I'm making legit money and showing that I paid my debt to society" then so be it.
That's why I wonder what the reception will be for Lockdown (1024 N. Western Ave), Chicago's first (and, so far, only) heavy metal/prison-themed burger bar, that's about to open next week in Ukrainian Village. Fuck a little hot dog dressed in stripes, this place boasted skulls on the walls and zombie baby dolls reaching through faux prison bars. I don't think they'll employ ex-cons but it would be a nice touch, honestly. Like FF, Lockdown's menu items include burgers with names like The Electric Chair, served blackened to a crisp and the arugula-crowned Punk Bitch. You know I can't WAIT to order one of those!! "Gimme a punk bitch and a belt of Jack." Imagine saying that to someone who killed a man with his bare hands. Ooooh yeah.
My money drought won't know what hit it next month.
I could see someone rolling up drunk, spitting some fuckshit... trying to push one of the employees too far. On the upside, this is the last joint in the hood that'll get robbed.
ReplyDeleteIt has a hard facade, but Lockdown's actually a bit pretentious as far as what's really under the hood. The owners went to college(!) together, and honestly, arugla?? C'mon. You can't fool anyone with that shit. If this were a real tough spot, they wouldn't put anything on the menu that not everyone can pronounce or wouldn't look dainty eating. So I doubt if anyone would roll in there on some bullshit. Just because you play metal on your flat screen tvs(!) and maybe couldn't afford to open a restaurant anywhere else in this economy doesn't make you hard. I'm laughing and will see what's really up in a few weeks. And personally, I think this would be the right place to rob.
ReplyDeleteArugala is hard core!
ReplyDeleteI think we changed the name of that Punk Bitch burger, didn't we? ;) I would go into detail and write a very dirty description, but I don't want to taint your blog! hahahhaha
ReplyDeletePS - I will always choose felon wieners over punk bitch meat! (wait, that sounded dirty too! I am not so good at clean comments I guess;)