Southern Exposure

"Linda" is a member of this Yelp group that visits different restaurants in various Chicago neighborhoods to, well, Yelp about them. Last night, ella y yo met up at The Southern, a Wicker Park spot with a great outdoor patio and warm earth tones. It feels super outdoorsy, blah blah blah let's cut to the goodness: the food.

I had the Shrimp/Grits: blue prawns, aged cheddar, frank's red hot ($14). It was ... okay. The food arrived tepid and wasn't all that exciting. I liked the sautéd red pepper and onions situated in the middle of the bowl, on which the three large grilled shrimp were lodged ... but the halo of oil/hot sauce or whatever surrounding the orange grits was a bit unsightly. Wishbone still has the best in the city so far. Linda ordered the Fried Green Tomatoes: stickney farm chèvre, caper relish, lemon ($10). The tomatoes were cut medium thin and fried in a nice batter. The goat cheese added a little salt as did the, what amounted to, chimichurri sauce. Situated on a bed of fresh greens, the dish turned out to be a fairly nice salad, although, again, a heavy hand was used while pouring the olive oil. We shared some Hush Puppies (pictured) with this roasted artichoke, smoked trout and scallions dip, which was by far the best dish on the table. The HPs were light, unlike a lot of other cornmeal battered fried balls out there, and almost cake-like in their moistness. They were not greasy like fried dough, but more ... like baked doughnuts. The dip with which it was served turned out to be a surprisingly flavorful hummus-looking addition which I would've enjoyed spread on a cracker.

Another surprise was the waitstaff--SUPER friendly. At one point, the Executive Chef, Cary Taylor, came to bus the table. WHA?! We were floored. He then came back to the table to ask if everything was good and to tell us about brunch (crab cake benedict? yes please!). He was soooo nice. He even gave us bourbon shots on the house. Mine was infused with bacon, and although it had a grainy look, was interesting enough to try again. Cary said that they use that in their bloody marys. Again, WHA?! So I will go back to try that.

That 2%? Definitely the ambiance. Cary made us feel like celebrities and who doesn't want that type of recognition? Also, The Southern supports the Green City Market, local farms, and sustainable seafood. Right on!

Anteprima is primo

On a whim, my right hand gal, "Linda" y yo decided to walk down Clark to grab a bite. We settled on an Italian eatery named Anteprima. While it was nearly 10PM, the place was packed. The kitchen closed at 10PM so we were cutting it close, but the waitstaff still received us with warm smiles and friendly service. The intimate space was relatively plain inside; stained glass windows and vintagey wood (distressed and faded) made for a rustic Italian feel ... unlike the modern spot across the street with their dim lighting and fire places. This felt like eating in a kitchen. The crowd must've been there for a while judging by the loudness (e.g. drunkeness) of their conversation. The bar, which seated about 5 comfortably, was empty, but cute in the middle of the room.

Linda y yo both got small plates; she chose the asparagus & ricotta ravioli, butter, parmigiano ($11). I got the grilled octopus, potatoes, red onion, chilis, parsley, lemon, olive oil ($9). We shared the marinated olives, garlic, orange, chilis ($4) and the arugula, extra-virgin olive oil, lemon juice, shaved parmigiano reggiano cheese ($6). The food came quickly and was fresh, not just thrown together as some last meals of the evening can be. We agreed that the ravioli needed a kick. The rich sauce clung nicely to the pasta (although it could've been more velvety, less buttery -- perhaps it broke and was saved?), but the bland dish offered very little flavor besides cheesy and buttery. My octopus was a little chewy from being a tad over grilled, but still it was flavorful. I just sopped up the extra olive oil with the fresh bread that was brought to the table to start. The greens were crisp, the parm freshly shaved, and the dressing light. The pepper mill gave it a nice crunch. Loved the salad.

I ordered a specialty drink, something like basil and vodka with lemon. It was relatively uneventful, though the combination had so much promise. There were others on the list, something with vodka and rosemary, that I really want to try. The prices were good, so I'll return at a more reasonable hour. I might even need reservations.

Survey Says? Milk that's been sitting in colorful cereal for about 5 minutes and has started to dye. Tasty, but not at its peak.

Hai Yen is Vietnamese for Pond Scum

How do you like these? Look tasty? Fuck no. They don't. But one of these is what I found in my super tasty salad. It WAS tasty and would've continued to be tasty had the waiter not asked ME what it was when I brought this little feller to his attention.
"Is is hard?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Oh."
"It looks like a snail. Do you have any snails in the kitchen?"
"Snails? No. OTHER species ... but ... "

I put down my fork and stared at the table. Up until that point, folks, everything was fine. The meal was tasty, the salad was crisp. I was still chewing and near the finish point when my fork and eyes hit upon this little brown shell in the lettuce. Having spent considerable time in the Northeast with bountiful gardens and plenty of resident snails, I was unfazed. Had he said, "Yeah, but I don't know how it got in your salad," I STILL would've finished my food. Things like that don't bother me. However, I *was* bothered by the admission that there were other SPECIES in the kitchen. Species?? Species of fucking WHAT?! Never mind.

I could've cracked a fucking tooth and all they did was comp my meal. They should've comped the whole table! Who knows what the hell else we ingested! Ugh.

Do not eat here.

M&A Bakery -- Ravenswood

I'm almost afraid to say anything about this bakery, hidden in a rundown strip mall on the corner of Lawrence and N. Ashland. Not that I am a stingy person ... I just don't want it to become abused. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm the only person who reads this damn blog anyway, so here's what I have to say about M&A Bakery: IT'S THE FUCKING BOMB.

While doing my laundry in the strip's dilapidated laundromat on Saturday, I walked next door to see what was in there. The windows of the place are black and it's hard to see through the door. Anyway, I walked in and about 4 Bosnian men were standing around shooting the shit with cups of coffee and freshly baked pastries. In the glass cases at the front of the store, once you walk past the cute patio-looking seating area, are beautiful breads, rolls, bagels, sweet treats (including doughnuts, baklava and more). The solicitors moved back when I came in and the woman at the counter who barely spoke English looked a bit surprised. I guess not to many Black people come in there? Or ... did I interrupt a serious conversation?

Anyway, I set my sights on this blueberry bagel and asked for cream cheese. The woman rang up my order, which totaled ... a whopping $0.86!! I couldn't believe the bagel AND tub of Philly Cream Cheese -- not some generic brand -- was less than a fucking dollar! I gave her four quarters and told her to keep the change. I broke a piece of the bagel off and swirled it in the schmear. It was that perfect combination of flaky and chewy. The blueberry flavor wasn't overwhelming -- didn't taste or look artificial. I can't wait to have a dinner party and buy some of that amazing looking foccacia or dunk those Danish pastries into some coffee!

That 2%: you can't beat this price with a stick. Dunkin' Donuts, jam it! Starbucks, go back to Seattle!

Agami, babe.

(left - Column at Agami)
Driving home from my new place after moving some delicate items like my ficus bejamina, I decided to stop for a bite. The first place I stopped was Driftwood (1021 W. Montrose) because I thought they had food (which it turns out they do not, although there is a Mexican restaurant next door) and it was down the street from where I'd been staying. Driftwood is a dog-friendly bar where blue collars bring their own sticks for a friendly game of pool. The bar smells like dried dirty piss, an earthy stench, but it's a dog-friendly dive so that's somewhat expected. Looking around, the bar seems like it could be cool if it was washed down. There's a jukebox, darts, Golden Tee 2008, and lots of plasmas.

When I came in, some weathered-looking men were discussing the price of condos and how to flip them. I guessed they were contractors of some sort. I sat down and watched the scruff behind the bar ask me for my ID with a skeptical side glance. After checking my age, he got me what I asked for: the special of the night, $2 High Life can. Also got a shot of JD. Total was $7 so I'm like, "THAT'S a $5 shot??" and the ass is like, "That's a pretty stiff shot! And that's the running price of shots!!" I gave him a blank look wishing I had a shotgun and he waited for me to produce said amount of cash. Mind you, everyone else in the bar had running tabs from like last Monday night, but for me he waited. After paying, I turned my attention to the Bulls/Clippers game, which I watched until both drinks were empty, or about 25 minutes. Never in that time did the DB come back over to see if I needed a refill or anything. I give this spot a squirt in the eye of diseased semen. Yes, bad milk.

Things turned around, however, as I got a call from the sushi craver in me and made my way to Agami Sushi Bar & Lounge (4712 N. Broadway). Parking is easy there on the corner of Bway and Leland. The decor is a bit scary (see photo above) with dendrite-looking columns and "Bruno in fatigue" looking colors. It was also abysmally empty; I went inside and was one of 5 diners. The bartender greeted me with a friendly smile and asked if I wanted to sit at the bar. Totally. Drink specials were $3 Sapporo drafts, $3 small hot sake, and $5 large hot sake. The food special was a $29 4-course prix-fixe dinner. I opted for a rose sake wine drink on ice that I can't recall, but it was good. The menu is fairly priced with $2 Miso Soup, $4 Edamame, and $9 calamari ... but I was there for the sushi.

Not trying to overwhelm myself with specialties, I opted for simplicity. The Boston maki was shrimp with spicy sauce. The Vienna maki was tuna. Both had regular "California maki" stuff in it like cucumber and egg. Both were extremely tasty ... but the best part was the bartender. Her name is Ruth.

Ruth is a multi-pierced, multi-tattooed thin 5'6" woman in her early 30s who migrated from Iowa in the 7th grade. She was warm, attentive, informative, and honest. We chatted about all types of things that you can only discuss with bartenders and therapists. In non-disclosure conversation, I found out that Monday night was hopping! This was unusual to me since most places don't do good business on Mondays, especially restaurants, many of which are closed. Also, isn't it the cardinal rule that you don't eat sushi on Mondays because they don't get in fresh shipments until Tuesday? Ruth reported that Agami operates at a really high level, so the seafood is always fresh. Like, everyday. If it's not, the sushi technicians (they are engineers of their craft, of course) take that item off the menu. I went to see the sushi bar in the main seating area and noticed that all of the fish was carefully wrapped in plastic and looked healthy, vibrant. After I'd had my fill, Ruth treated me to a pomegranate martini with her secret ingredient: egg white. The addition made the drink a bit thicker, but more substantive and frothy with the head of a good beer. (We exchanged information too, but that's neither here nor there *wink*.) I left feeling healthy, full, and happy.

That 2%? Ruth. The sushi is good too, but really, I'd go back just to hang with her. And I will.

Back from Outer Space! (but that look has changed to pissed)

Hey kids,

Well, me and the missus had some issues including but not limited to the sale of heroine from our basement by a man called Taco. Needless to say, we have since vacated our lovely Near West neighborhood. I'm both disappointed and happy, frustrated, exhausted, lethargic, cranky ... where was I? Oh yes, good times loom ahead in the distance. That's what I'm supposed to feel.

And for all I know, it's true! In about 45 minutes, I will sign a different lease situating me smack in the middle of Ravenswood. This is an unusual neighborhood with a mixed bag of folks. It's further North than I've ever lived in this City of the Big Shoulders. I went to Walk Score to see what was in my area so as to continue this spiffy blog and found lots of things to explore within a mile radius. Cookies!

There are grocery stores, restaurants, coffee shops, bars, movie theatres, schools (not going there), parks, a CEMETERY (glad I didn't take the apartment that overlooks that, although it might have been fun to break out Ouija!), libraries, bookstores, drug stores (not that kind.:( ), hardware stores, and clothing/music stores to explore. Never a dull moment awaits us! Or maybe it does. Gotta find that 2% of happiness that I believe is out there.

One of the best things about this area is the proximity of my two hilarious friends who will explore the land with me and help report on the sour milk and the chocolate milk. But first, to move. I'll check back in next week. Ciao.

Zombie Baby Dolls -- Lockdown in the UV

My gf and I love this place down the street called Felony Franks (229 Western Ave). It's a themed-restaurant that the owner, Jim Andrews, created to give criminals who've served their time a second chance at becoming productive members of society. Say what you will, but having a few ex-cons in the family, I know how hard it is for them to get a second chance. If you can't/aren't given the chance to make money the legitimate way, all signs point to a return to crime. Hey, we need money to live and survival is an "any means necessary" type deal. At least this guy is giving them an alternative.

The theme stretches to the menu, naturally, where items have such titles as the Misdemeanor Wiener and Freedom Fries. Cute, right? This chain has met with a lot of controversy over the years since some Chicagoans don't want ex-cons serving them food and others think that the name demeans the employees. What REALLY rubs them the wrong way may have more to do with how you order than what you order. Servers stand behind bulletproof plastic -- standard for stores in the neighborhood, although increasingly not ... which is curious but I digress -- and ask customers, "Are you ready to plead your case?" Then you say what you want. "Yes. Chain Gang Chili Dog, please." Look, I really don't fucking care if you want the Pardon Polish or Probation Burgers. The shit is goooood and I think it's great to employ the "unemployable." Would I like it better if it were a vegetarian spot promoting health and wellness? Shit yeah. But 'tis what 'tis. So, if the employees are like, "Right on, I'm making legit money and showing that I paid my debt to society" then so be it.

That's why I wonder what the reception will be for Lockdown (1024 N. Western Ave), Chicago's first (and, so far, only) heavy metal/prison-themed burger bar, that's about to open next week in Ukrainian Village. Fuck a little hot dog dressed in stripes, this place boasted skulls on the walls and zombie baby dolls reaching through faux prison bars. I don't think they'll employ ex-cons but it would be a nice touch, honestly. Like FF, Lockdown's menu items include burgers with names like The Electric Chair, served blackened to a crisp and the arugula-crowned Punk Bitch. You know I can't WAIT to order one of those!! "Gimme a punk bitch and a belt of Jack." Imagine saying that to someone who killed a man with his bare hands. Ooooh yeah.

My money drought won't know what hit it next month.